As you may now know,at least I kinda of hope you do, seeing as you’re on my site and all, I write a graphic novel series called Lost Bread. Since I am just starting out on this publishing venture, I want to make it clear to my fans how much I appreciate them. I have stated that I will hand sign each order, and am happy to write a custom message or abide by special shipping instructions.
So far I’ve gotten a few that stand out. The tamest, albeit first, was for me to “Seal with a kiss.” I inked up my mouth (a taste I will never forget) and planted an indelible smooch on the inner cover.
Then there was the request to “Package with love.” That reader was treated to an envelope filled with heart shaped confetti (plus a comic of course.)
Next, I was to receive the request to sign “To my Puddin'” while dressed up like Harley Quinn. You can see the somewhat disturbing results here (Personally, I think I look more like Yzma from “The Emperor’s New Groove.”)
Alas, it was the best I could do! I can’t make myself more attractive (unless you guys buy enough comics to foot the bill for some serious plastic surgery! I kid, calm down!)
Another reader demanded that instead of packaging his order with love, I instead “package with disdain.” Hopefully, he posts pictures of the end result!
If you aren’t an obsessive Ed Wood fan like myself, you may have no idea who the people listed there are. Let me elucidate.
Vampira (Maila Nurmi) The precursor to Elvira in the 1980’s, Vampira was the original horror hostess. In the 1950’s she provided sassy commentary and campy schtick to accompany late night monster movies. After being fired from her network, she would accept a role as a zombie bride in Ed Wood’s notoriously so-bad-its-beautiful masterpiece “Plan 9 From Outer Space”.
Bela Lugosi portrayed Dracula in the original 1931 film. His performance set the president for every actor to take on the part in years to come. In his later years, Lugosi was rejected by the studios that had once courted him. He was sited as being difficult to work with and battled an addiction to heroin. He would be given a second chance at stardom, and eventually become the cult figure he is today thanks to Ed Wood’s films “Glen or Glenda”, “Bride of The Monster”, and “Plan 9 From Outer Space.”
Tor Johnson a.k.a “The Swedish Angel” was a wrestler whose imposing appearance landed him work in Ed Wood’s “Bride of The Monster” and “Plan 9 From Outer Space.”
My challenge was to combine all three of these iconic personages into one entity! Here goes!
“Here’s your order sir!”
“You will sign for this package, I command you!”
I love it. I’m like that crazy old guy at the Goth club who elbows into your conversation and wants to brag about how they saw “Nine Inch Nails” before they were big. Actually, I think I am that guy. Damn it!
“Want to hear some of my dark poetry?”
Anyway, I hope the promise of watching me humiliate myself at your command might encourage you to buy some books and prints from my super happy store, right here, on this very site! What will you force me to do?
I have no shame, but I do have morals, a day job and family, so lets keep all requests PG and non-permanent. For instance, I’m not going to cut off my pinkie finger and include it it the order, so just stop asking! Granted, it is the least useful of fingers. I mean the only time you really need it is if you were say, having tea with the queen of England (pinkie’s up!) However, I want the option to wear a gaudy pinkie ring to accessorize my velour track suit when I get older and hairier. You wouldn’t want to take that joy away from me would you?
Thanks for reading, and keep the humiliation coming!